Matthew's stream of "consciousness"

Random Matthew story from this morning:

Matthew was talking about Teddy and told me, "Teddy smells like poop." (side note: We can use words like "poop" quite freely because we have two small children)

I told him that we do not talk like that, and that if he said it again that I would throw Teddy out the window.

He said, "but then I won't have a Teddy."

And I said, "That's right, so choose your words carefully. We don't talk like that."

To which he replied, "Well ... if you threw him out the window ... and he landed in the lake ... then I would go home and put on my swimsuit and go down to the water and jump right in ... well I would get in the safe way ... through the sand ... and I would have my goggles on .... and I would swim right down and pick Teddy out of the water .... and then I would dry him all off with my towel .... and take him back to my house ..."

Can't you just picture the random stream of consciousness? He just kept going on and on and on in the back seat on our drive into day care. I thought the tale would never end!

Bird Poop

No funny photos today. I am posting this story from work. Before I forget, I have to share yet another funny Matthew story with all of our readers. This conversation took place on our way in to daycare this morning.

That little mind of his never takes a break. If you can picture Amy watching him from her carseat and listening intently ... it is even funnier. She thinks he is amazing. Little does she know that our daily topics of conversation are far from enlightening.

Enjoy!

Matthew: "Mommy, what is that on your window?"
Me: "Um, it looks like bird poop."
Matthew: "Bird poop?"
Me: "Yeah, bird poop."
Matthew: "Like ... a bird in the sky?"
Me: "Yep, a bird must have been flying in the sky and pooped on Mommy's car."
Matthew: "But how does a bird poop?"
Me: "Just like people do, they just push it out."
Matthew: "But birds don't have a butt ... (silent thinking) ... maybe they just push it out of the fuzz on their backs ... (more silence) ... like dogs and kitties do...."
Me (trying to hide the laughter): "I don't know that much about birds, but dogs and cats do have butts like people do. That is how they poop."
Matthew: "No they don't, Mommy. When I look under them - there is no butts."

Eating Hay

You will soon see a pattern to the blog content, based on who the author is.  Arik is the creative one.  He is generally responsible for fun stuff like podcasts and YouTube links.  I, on the other hand, am responsible for capturing funny conversation.  

The daily drive to and from daycare is often a perfect breeding ground for Matthew funnies.

Here is the conversation I found myself in tonight as we drove past a small construction site that had just laid down some new grass (not real grass, it was that weird stuff that looks like hay ... and magically turns into grass).

Matthew:  "Mommy, did you see that hay over there?"

Angela:  "Yep.  Pretty cool huh?"

Matthew:  "Yeah ... and horses eat hay, and giraffes eat hay too!"

Angela:  "Yes they do!"

Matthew:  "Mommy ... when I get bigger .... and I eat hay ... "

Angela:  "You aren't going to eat hay goofball!  People don't eat hay, only animals do."

Matthew:  "No ... but Mommy ... when I grow up ... and I turn into an animal ... THEN I am going to eat hay."

Oh...